Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Believe it.

I always pictured my life turning out a different way. Not that my life is bad or anything. I just thought it would be different. I thought i would move to New York... and make something great for myself... live by myself... find my love... get married around 26? have babies at 27 or 28.... i guess it was just my thoughts running wild! lol

I moved out to California... Thinking Drew and I could be together whenever we wanted now! Finally be together!!! And then I moved in with AnnMarie, which was my first mistake I didn't see coming. I didn't stay in school... I thought i didn't belong with Drew, because of all the influence from others. I thought i would be with Artist flowing around going on adventures by myself... that was a big for me... being by myself. hmm....

But here I am, 22, about to turn 23. And I'm getting Married to the most wonderful man alive. I dont doubt us... ever. But i do wonder... like anyone else. What if...

What if i stayed broken up with Drew...
What if I took that internship when i lived with AnnMarie?
What if i moved to Ventura with Marissa?
What if i never moved away from Arkansas?
What if i wasn't jealous of Mandy?
What if i never became friends with Sami?

Would things be better?

I'll never know. And i dont want to know, because with everything that happened.... It made me to the person i am today. And I'm liking me! I have GREAT friends, a GREAT Fiance! and I'm going to start my career, and have a GREAT career! lol.

I'm so excited to be marrying Drew. He is my best friend, my love, my soul-mate. I love him more that life its self. And I know this marriage is going to last forever and beyond! I'm so excited to get started! lol

OH! and Drew and I are almost to our 6 years mark! AH!!!!! I cant believe it!

Alright, I need to do another photoshoot of Drew and I :)

Monday, June 14, 2010


Friendship is a tricky thing.

For years... I've been trying to befriend this girl Mandy. She was Drew's friend when i was living in Arkansas, and there was always something inside me that wanted to be her friend. No one understood why, and honestly, me either. She liked Drew, back when... and flaked on me left and right. One thing was, I was jealous of her... I thought she had this fun crazy life, with a million friends and guys and everyone flocking towards her. AND... She's so beautiful... and i guess, i wanted to be like her. All my friends would say she's ugly... and so on so forth... But honestly, she isn't. I think they would say that for my benefit.


For like 3 years, we would hang out every now and again... catch up... and then like 6 months later, see each other again and catch up. But me, being this needy person, would text her seeing if she wanted to hang out... orrr.. call... She never responded. But for some reason, i kept bugging her. Kept asking... And Drew would ask me to stop, because i would get so upset... So one day, i decided, she wasn't worth it, obviously i wanted a friendship that she didn't. So i stopped.

But one day, i think i texted her about getting together.... and we ended up talking about everything. What she was going through and what i was going through. It was a good talk.
But... as it always went, we would not talk for months, and then get together again.

Just lately, Mandy and I started hanging out weekly. WHICH HAS NEVER HAPPENED EVER. And we are getting to know each other and learn what a friendship is. And she said to me on Friday, "there are three people who have never gave up on me, and that is Daniel, my cousin, and you". I think it was in the stars for me to stay by her, even when she didn't return the friendship to me. Everything is meant to be, right? We have the most amazing talks. I dont talk to anyone the way we talk about things. And maybe thats because Mandy is a very emotional person, and she brings that out of me... or just because its really easy to talk to her.

Anyways, I'm really greatful for her friendship... She is one of my bestfriends. :)